It’s Thursday here in Southern California. The weather has cleared up a bit. The sun shines again and the birds are chirping. I like the rain; it cleans shit up. Free car wash, free lawn watering, it gets the crap off your roof and cleans out the gutters. Rain is nice. Rain is our friend. Unless you’re made of sugar.

If you are made out of sugar, rain is your enemy. A drop of water and your whole cellular structure weakens. Many drops and you slowly begin to reach saturation levels. Soon your arm falls off. The whole thing; at the shoulder. Then parts of your chest melt away, like so much loose dirt in a riverbed. You start to get lines down your body where water channels itself and carves a canyon into your sweet goodness. After a while, you are just a pool of sweet water and dog comes along and licks you into oblivion. What a shitty way to die.

So enjoy the rain, but if you’re made out of sugar, stay inside.