Yes – this is going to be a rant about AT&T Wireless. This will be an act in four parts – enjoy.
The iPhone incident - when the 3G iPhone came out, I wanted one. So I took a half-day at work and lined up at the Apple Store in Marina Del Rey. It was a long line and wrapped around the mall. Several Apple employees would come out and tell us to get your shit in order, this is taking a long time. If you have existing service, call AT&T make sure you qualify for the special rate.
I called AT&T to make sure that I would not have to pay $500 for the iPhone. The “customer service” rep told me that I qualified for the discount and would only have to pay $199 for the iPhone. I stood in line for 7 hours. Once I got into the Apple store, the rep told me I didn’t qualify for the discount price. I was pissed. I called the AT&T customer service and asked them what the hell?
I was told that I didn’t qualify for a discount and would have to pay the full price or wait till November. This was after I waited for 7+ hours in the July sun. I got a sunburn. The people at the Apple store were very sorry for my wasted time and they gave me a $20 Apple gift card. AT&T refused that I had ever called. They had no note of the call.
The “AT&T Store” - how can you have a store but not be connected to anything in the corporate office. We are talking about wireless service. If you buy a phone online, there is no record or access to records in the actual store. What is the point of having a store if none of the records are accessible. I had to pull up my Gmail account to produce a Bill of Sale to prove I bought the phone.
My broken phone - On Saturday night, I plugged in my phone to charge. When I tried to use the phone on Sunday morning, it would not turn on. So, knowing that AT&T sucks, I raced to the store to pick up a replacement. Issue number 1, no record of purchase (see above) followed by attitude from the store rep. As in, “What do you want me to do, call customer service.” With what bitch, my ass – I don’t have a fucking phone. So I picked up the phone in the store and told her to call customer service for me. She did. It was awesome to see her frustration as she navigated through the AT&T menu system.
She finally got hold of a “replacement specialist”. The conversation whet something like this, “Hello, this is Bitch from the AT&T store in Culver City, I need a replacement phone sent out for a custom…Culver City, California…Overland and Washington Blvd…what…why…huh…one second.” She grabs a big book and flips through some pages. “Store number XYZ…Okay, I checked the phone and there is no water damage and the battery looks good…the phone won’t turn on…what…no…can you just send out a replacement?…hold on…yes, the sensors are intact..there is no water damage…okay.” She hands me the phone.
“Customer Service” - I use the term only to describe what AT&T think they offer. Customer service really means, “You can call, but our hands are tied, we can’t do shit.” After the phone is handed to me at the AT&T store, we go through the following steps (the same steps the AT&T rep just went through). I check the phone for water damage and a broken battery. I plug the phone into the charger and test it – nothing. It is determined by the rep that the battery is bad and he will be sending me a new one in about a week.
I don’t think so mo-fo. “Tell you what, I’m at the AT&T store, Bitch over here is going to open up a battery and we will test it in the store.”
“No sir, that is not an authorized AT&T replacement.”
“What – where the fuck am I – I’m in the AT&T store – you’re telling me you don’t sell replacement parts in the AT&T store.”
–SILENCE–I can tell that I have been put on MUTE–
“Sir, go ahead and test the phone with the store battery.”
I test the battery and it fails. I let the guy know.
“Okay sir, I’ll send you out a replacement phone – it takes about a week to arrive, unless you would prefer priority shipping for $15?”
“Are you kidding me, I sign up for $50/month for 24 months ($1200) and I have been a customer for 5+ years and you want me to pay extra for shipping? You should kiss my ass and ship it overnight for free and there should be a ‘We are so sorry for sucking’ note in there and a gift certificate for full release massage in Chinatown.”
“Sir, I can not do that. Your phone will arrive in 5-7 days. Thank you for using the new AT&T, I hope your experience was wonderful.”
“I can’t believe you just read that to me – I hate you and I’ve never met you.”